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28 12 2009

Back to work today and wondering where exactly those 5 days went. I guess the price you pay for being able to forget you have a job for a few days is that when you go back you basically forget you had a vacation. It’s my fault, really, for creating such a great cognitive gap between work and personal time that I can’t juxtapose the two.

But of course, it’s the gap that keeps me going.

Overall, my vacation was amazing. It didn’t turn out as epic as I had maybe hoped (what does?) and the Xmas party was largely a bust for me, as Ste ended up being the only one of my friends who showed. The punch was a big hit, and people had a good time, but in the end I sort of felt like I spent $150 getting my brother’s friends drunk, and me and Ste just had an evening much like any other.

I need to remember for future reference that for whatever karmic reason, I should not throw Xmas parties. I think 2 years in a row of getting burned by all my invitees sends a pretty clear message.

On Xmas Eve I was kind of cranky, which SOME were quick to blame on a hangover (I didn’t have one) but which I’m pretty sure can be attributed to the holiday changes in my caffeination routine. I was unusually yawny and sleepy much of the time.

Passive-aggressive comments about my house-cleaning duties also put a bit of a clench in my jaw, as I kept going back to the July conversation I had with my parents about why they weren’t obligated to do any of the house work. The answer was that they both had full-time jobs and those with full-time jobs weren’t required to do housework.

Yet somehow, since I got a full-time job and my mom lost hers there has been no change in who is expected to do the house cleaning. Which of course means that when I asked in July, the answer given was one of those off-hand, made-up rules that parents tell their children so that they don’t have to give them a real answer.

So I completed the vacuuming feeling quite angry at being condescended to on multiple levels. But every time a snide remark came to my lips I bit it back and reminded myself how very brief a time remains in which I will have to put up with being treated like a child.

In the end, with a little dose of caffeine, I swallowed my holiday anti-cheer altogether and enjoyed a fine evening at my aunt and uncle’s house munching on brie, manchego, and jarlsberg, homemade paella, xmas cookies, and of course several healthy glasses of vino.

Xmas morning was the usual genial affair…I got everything I wanted, including my smashingly dykey new Xmas coat, a slew of David Sedaris books of my very own, an electronic cigarette I lost all interest in between when I asked for it and when I unwrapped it, a new grinder, and an Old Navy gift card that I plan on using instead of a laundromat once I move out.

Eggs benedict and mimosas were followed closely by Sweetwater Blue Ricky brought with him from Dixie and heaping portions of prime rib and Yorkshire pudding.

Ste pulled an inevitable social bait-and-switch on us. It’s really tiring hanging out with someone who always has one foot out the door. He never makes any sort of time commitments so we always end up sitting around waiting for him to decide to leave instead of making actual plans. It’s really irritating. Whenever I even suggest hanging out he refuses to give me a solid answer; I constantly have to wait until the very last minute to find out whether or not he’s decided to come over. And then he spends most of the time we’re together acting antsy to leave. He never contributes ideas for stuff we can do and if I’m unable to come up with anything fun at the last minute he uses boredom as an excuse to leave. If I attempt to be social with someone else because Ste’s only interest is to sit around doing nothing and feign boredom, he takes that as a cue to leave.

I hate to say it but most of the time I end up feeling like we may as well have not seen each other at all. I feel like the entirety of our time hanging out has become me just playing some bizarre game in which I do nothing but try to keep him from leaving from the moment he steps foot in the door. Ricky was equally baffled by Ste’s sudden decision to leave on Friday night: his only commitment on Saturday was practicing the organ for Sunday, and I had made plans for us weeks earlier to have brunch with an old friend who moved out of town.

But leaving turned out to be more important than spending time with old friends. Sigh. Things have changed in the past few years. I no longer have the time or energy to try and coerce someone into being social when all he wants is to sit in his room by himself. From now on I have to remember to make my owns plans, and not donate broad swaths of my time to someone who doesn’t feel the need to commit to a solid window for hanging out.

You know a friendship is not doing great when you inadvertently compare your friend to a cable repairman. He might show up sometime between the hours of 8 and 4.

Sorry for that tangent. Obviously it’s bothering me. Has been since even before the move, but I never really got to express my frustration over it until talking to Rich about it over the weekend. Flood gates: open. Blerg.

Saturday and Sunday were marked by extreme lethargy. We ate brunch AND dinner at the pub on Saturday, and filled the in-between hours with loud and raucous Mario Kart competitions. I did no work.

I continue to avoid doing work, as you see. It’s funny, I was feeling pretty upbeat before I started this blog and now – not so much. I guess those nagging feelings I buried for the sake of the holiday were not so negligible after all.

One thing I still feel great about is the move. My new roomies are taking care of setting up the utilities today, and the more we talk about it, the more excited I am to be getting my own (huge, amazing) space again. I can’t wait until business-as-usual doesn’t involve being parented or constantly looking over my shoulder; instead it will involve friends, as often or as seldom as I want, and bars, and cooking for myself, and getting back to exploring my city.

And my Ricky is staying in town until the 8th, so in spite of the full-time job we will get plenty of opportunities to hit the town and to hang out at my new pad next week.

The closer it gets, the better that sigh of relief after moving and grad apps starts to sound…

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