Back on track

18 01 2010

Alternate title: Whoops!

I kind of ducked out of reality post-NYE, for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was moving – a nightmare – followed closely by crippling plague. That “sigh of relief” I was supposed to experience following my move and the conclusion of my graduate applications…well, it was more of a wheeze of despair.

But I suppose I should start at the beginning. I had an amazing NYE. As always, what was actually a non-plan involving only Kim Murray and a couple of bottles of alcohol turned into an all-out celebration. J came over and we had a couple of drinks and a smoke before heading over to Ewa and Michal’s, where we held an impromptu year-ending dance party on the front porch as a counterpoint to the old people’s “quiet reflection time” that was apparently going down inside.

We laughed and joked and decided that although the goal was ambitious for 2010, we will be Kings of New York in 2012.

I don’t know what that means, but I have to say, I’m pretty excited. I want to reign over those lights we streaked over on the 278 on the way to LI…

At midnight, Kim observed that it might be appropriate to toast to Abby, and we didn’t disagree. I still don’t know what I feel about her death, having obliterated so completely any lasting effects she had on my life. But she was a part of my life – the central part for a couple of months. What does someone’s death mean when you have effectively prohibited them from ever meaning anything to you other than what they meant at an exact moment in time?

I knew she would always be just a memory to me, but I didn’t know she’d always be just a memory to everyone else that loved her. And that sucks pretty hard.

We checked in at Dalhak with Brandon before closing time, but the place was dead. The night ended with another smoke at Kim’s place where Kim told us some story so nasty (and I was so drunk) that the only response I could muster was “I’m gonna remember this tomorrow…wait and see…”

and JESUSFUCKINGCHRIST do I wish I could remember what the fuck it was!!

The following Saturday saw the worst moving fiasco in recent history. Of course, every stressor doubled in potency due to my big-picture outlook and knowing just how much work there was to be done before I could rest. And if you know me, you know I can’t rest until the work is done. (Once I start, I mean. When there’s no set timetable, I am a BITCH to get started.)

So to start off with I was thrown into a tizzy by what turned out to be the very minor setbacks of getting cash and Rich having to wait to return his car at Enterprise. Packing up my shit was barely a problem, and though I was a little pissed that all my stuff didn’t fit in the van, damned if I was gonna let that slow me down.

We had to wait more than a half hour at the landlord’s office to get the keys – in spite of having pre-arranged this meeting the day before. And of course we couldn’t even take the opportunity to relax. All I kept thinking was that we had to go to the house, unload the whole van, carry it all up a flight of steps, drive to Deb’s house, unload her entire house, load up the van, drive home, unload all of Deb’s stuff, carry it all up a flight of stairs, drive to North philly and pick up Bert’s stuff, drive home, unload that stuff, drive the UHaul back to the Northeast and THEN drive all the way back home to South Philly.

Which is pretty much exactly how the day proceeded. People dropped in and out of the actual moving crew – I was the only person who was literally lifting and moving and driving the ENTIRE time, though Bert was a close second as far as workload.

Phoebe and Scott, a couple of my brother’s younger friends, had come along. I knew from the beginning that when my brother told them we needed help moving, what they heard was “here is a social opportunity which might end in someone smoking you out.”

Which would have been fine, had they been contributing as much as anybody else. But by the time we made a SECOND trip to Deb’s place for a mattress and I heard talk of the two of them copping an attitude, I had already put up with wayyy too much to have the energy to entertain even potentially bitchy guests. I drove them back to their respective homes in the Northeast because I was damned if I was going to have to wake up in a house of cranky bitches after all the goddamn work I did to create a place to live.

God, it makes me tired just describing that day. Throw in the fact that I had to stop at 2 different gas stations to fill up the truck (since the first one RAN OUT OF GAS while we were pumping) and then UHaul STILL charged me $40 for gas, and you can see how the stress level might have affected my immune strength a little bit.

At work on Monday, I started to feel slightly ill and by Tuesday it was a full-blown disease. Really, it was just a cold, but it was probably the worst cold I’ve had in a long time. I had chills, headaches and exhaustion among other flu-like symptoms for the first 3 days, and even as I type this I’m still not totally rid of the last bit of congestion that clings to my lungs and throat.

Which brings us to today. I’ve decided to take at least a week-long hiatus from smoking. It’s become more of a compulsion than something I enjoy doing and to be honest I simply can’t justify spending as much money as I do on a mere compulsion. So this way, I save money that I don’t really have to spend this month in the first place, I have a reason to force myself to be productive, and hopefully I’ll get a greater enjoyment out of smoking when I do it next time.

And of course, even as I write this, record it here in the permanence of the internets, I feel my resolve slipping away and that longing creeping back, the longing to go home and just sink into my after-work routine. So we’ll see how this goes.

I just have to keep repeating to myself the hard-won truth: Hard things are good to do. Good things are hard to do. Hard things are good to do. Good things are hard to do.

In the interest of sticking to my guns in this, I’ll need a solid list of distractions, tasks, and general Plans B, which I hope to detail in my next post.

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