paralyzed with donkeys

19 01 2010

so, right, posting. everyday.

I know it’s been a long one when I’m actually disappointed that there’s not more overnight construction in Montreal.

Oof.

So, what? I don’t know. I did not, in fact, give in to temptation last night, even though I had fairly well convinced myself I was going to while driving home. But once I got there, it came around and…

I just didn’t feel like. Which is Exhibit A of why I’m pretty sure my main problem here is my nicotine addiction. That and the intense, tangible cravings I get during the day. Luckily I’ve been trapped here, cigless so …ha! I’ve got myself trapped, TRAPPED LIKE A RATAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway, you can pretty much see where I’m at with all this. I don’t know what will happen tonight. And as I’ve said to various people throughout the day (in a shameless attempt to find someone who will convince me to give in), I can never discern if I have shitty willpower, or amazing skill at talking myself out of things.

Both, I imagine. The good news is that although it’s only been 36 hours I am back on track with my diet and exercise. And just as I remembered, the dieting part, at least, is no big deal. The hardest part of it is making sure I eat breakfast within an hour of waking up every morning without fail. That and not eating before bed which, of all my poor eating habits, is the most detrimental. It’s not even like I have a light snack, it’s like I’ll eat a tub of hummus and a pint of ice cream and pass out. Not only is the whole concept of eating before bed unhealthy, but I always seem to make the worst possible food choices late at night.

But for today I’ve only had about 600 calories so far so I can enjoy a decent dinner without worry and hopefully that will prevent late-night snacking, lapse of willpower or no.

I wonder what I’ll eat? And yes, these posts are likely to be filled with paragraphs of mundane discussion of how much I have or have not eaten that day.

Because what else goes on in a work day? Yesterday, being predictably out-of-sorts I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling for an hour or so before getting myself on the bike for 30 minutes, reading the first chapter of my Billy Sothern book and passing out. Not exactly a titillating adventure worthy of flowery prose.

And I have been sleeping awful deeply the last couple of nights, as well as having some intense dreams that I don’t fully remember upon waking. Now that is a mystery, albeit one without clues, noir-style cityscapes or dolled-up dames strolling through my office door.

And really, what kind of mystery is that?

No kind. No kind.

Even I amaze myself at my ability to blather on in the face of nothing to say.

Perhaps I’ll find enough content to make another attempt at a post. (But more likely if I post again it will be 100% boredom, 0% content.) For most of what is going on in my life right now is Kim Murray’s shit. Well, and this lame “productive,” “healthy” crap. Ew.

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