punched in the face by destiny

25 01 2010

So an interesting thing happened to me, I guess.

We had something of a party on Friday…well, it started off less as a party and more as a couple of separate friends noting that Friday might be a good day to hang out. But since, in my experience, impromptu parties are often the most fun, I decided to flex my karmic party muscles, cast out a general invite and see how many people would bite.

A good number did. Iron Wolf was there, who I haven’t seen in almost 8 months. Speaking of which, when people talk about coming over to hang out, am I supposed to automatically assume they’ll be bringing the person they’re sleeping with? Because I missed that memo.

It’s not that I dislike her bf in any sense…I actually think he seems like a really nice dude and I would sincerely like to get to know him better. But when a close friend who dropped off the radar – like, literally – for 8 months wants to hang out is it wrong of me to expect that I’ll get to hang out with her, sans accoutrements? Especially when no accoutrements were mentioned at any point in our various conversations leading up to said event.

BTW, I think that’s how I’ll refer to all boys from now on. But seriously. Off-base? Whatever.

So, the party. We were having a grand old time, playing energy-drink Kamikaze never-have-I-ever, which I venture to say was an even bigger hit the second time around. Anyway, as always I was taking pot-shots sure to get other people drunk, like my go-to “Never have I ever sucked a dick,” etc.

On this particular occasion my pot-shot was “never have I ever slept with more than one person,” which, come on, is a great cheap shot in a drinking game. But no sooner had the phrase passed my lips than J was literally on top of me, yelling how-can-this-bes even though I know for sure she knew this about me before fucking Friday. Then she says “I’ll fuck you just so you’ve slept with more than one person!”

And I replied – out loud, I’m pretty certain – “You missed that train.”

I’ll be honest, whether I said it out loud or not, I’m totally pleased that it was my first reaction to that particular drunken declaration. Then J punching me in the face took a little of the wind out of my sails.

Right…in…the eye. Why??

No one seemed able to say, least of all J. Kim said it looked as though it might have been intended as a play-punch, i.e. one that wasn’t actually supposed to land. I have no idea. J seemed genuinely confused, and launched immediately into a diatribe about how she would never mean to hurt me and how she loved me so much more than all the other people there.

So in the end, my ego was re-inflated even beyond it’s original size, the party when on smashingly, and J ran off and passed out.

Still, I can’t help revisiting the situation with some puzzlement. As irritating as it is for someone to offer to fuck you 3 years after you would have bent over backward to fuck them, that was far overshadowed by my happiness to discover that I didn’t even entertain the possibility. I spent at least a year thinking I would never attain the point of actually being “over” her in every sense.

And you know, even though I was pretty sure I had expunged all trace of more-than-friendly feelings for her a long time ago, nothing corroborates that like point-blank rejecting someone’s fuck offer.

Jesus this is a weird post.

Anyway. I was thinking, then, in my befuddlement over the punch, that perhaps this was a SIGN from the UNIVERSE.

You know how I go in for that shit.

Kim Murray says that on the one hand, she’d like to think the universe is not that petty, but on the other, it does tend to choose unlikely conduits.

Doesn’t get much less likely than that, I guess.

But the thought that this is some sort of cosmic kick-in-the-ass, well…it doesn’t really feel like it. I don’t feel more motivated to try to find a partner, I don’t feel particularly lonely or horny or any of those things that indicate a physical or emotional void.

But I do feel a little more self-conscious about not feeling those things. I always spend a lot of time wondering, Why? Why do all these people place so much of their emotional stock in sexual relationships?

So far the only aftershock from the punch is my new wonderingment: Why don’t I place any of my stock in sexual relationships??

Ugh. Cuz pretty people make me lose my damn mind.

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